(via se17enteen)
“When I think of her, she’s looking down from the celestial stratosphere with those big brown eyes, that sly smile on her face, as she lovingly extends me the middle finger. And that’s how I want you to think of her. That was Carrie.” - Mark Hamill
(via starry-cold-nights)
me at the store: do i want some snacks? nah it's ok
me at home: past me was a fucking dumbass
The Best ATM Withdrawal Defense
I’m here for women with powerful dogs!
My land lady is a 90lb 88 year old woman with 5 full grown Rottweiler boys. They sit around her when she gardens and watch her like the secret service. If you show up to pay rent they all stand up and stand between you and her.
It’s intimidating to have 5 pony size boys all staring at you until she stands up realizes it’a you and walks to you.
My favorite part is she wades through them like swamp water saying in her cute old voice ‘move’ ‘move please’ and each one she nudges to move wags his whole body at her touch and stumbles out of the way like he’s been knocked over by a truck. It gives me life paying my rent.
(via wheresmystapler)